Now I wasted a year and a half on a relationship that was known to fail from the start if I had only seen the signs more clearer then than what I do now. I look back and if I just took the time to think about what was really going on then I would not be in a mess like I am now.
It seems to me that I tend to go for blokes who like to abuse me and my intelligence but I like to think I see the better in people rather than the bad. I allow myself to trust people far too much than what I should and too nice for my own good.
I am now trying to cope with not being abused mentally and physically and its proven to be the hardest thing I may have had to deal with so far in my life but yet I am so young. After months of been told this and that I have absolute no faith, confidence and self-esteem in myself. I have tried to have a relationship that lasted for a week all because I can't get the fact that I was being treated like a princess it just didn't feel right for some reason. I suppose you could say that I got so used to being in an abusive relationship I couldn't handle the fact that I was in a good one. This guy was amazing and I ruined it by getting drunk as it's my coping mechanism and every time I did so I unleashed my anger upon him and he was never to blame.
I'm not sure how am I going to cope just yet but I am now apart of a group for people who have been in domestic violence I just hope I get the help that I need so that I can live my life how I used to be full of life and soul. I would love to be me again and love life the way I did before my life got turned upside down!
